Confused
by magic idiot
Summary: Brittana AU. They meet at a university during Santana's 1st year and Brittany's 3rd. Santana's POV trying to understand what Britt is all about. Thoughts and feelings, based on real events.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N** So this is basically me processing a lot of feelings through a Brittana fanfiction. It's been on my mind quite a long time and I think it's a good way to deal with all that shit. Based on real events with some fiction. Names, places etc. are changed. Rated M mostly for language, can't be sure about smut :) I'm no writer, I just need an outlet.

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><p><strong>January 2011<strong>

„- Brittany Pierce and Santana Lopez!"

What?! How?! I sat in the auditorium of our faculty as the professor announced the results of the last exam. It hasn't even been a year yet, I just started studying ancient history and already got the highest score on this first important examination. Me and some other girl. Crazy. University makes me to believe in myself more than school ever did. A few people sitting behind me cheered „congrats!", yeah, it was an awesome feeling.

After the announcements we all got out to the hallway and I found myself sitting on the table next to Lauren. We weren't close friends, we just knew each other from classes. I was playing on my phone when a girl came up and spoke to Lauren. When I first saw her, something caught my attention, something about her appearance. But honestly she was not of such beauty that kills you instantly but still there was something. Maybe in her aura, I don't know, I just feel that shit about people each time I first meet them, so I know we will get along well. Anyway that girl was dressed all black. Black jacket, black short skirt, not too short. Blond hair. Her smile was cute. I'd like to have that girl as my friend, I thought.

„- Who is she?" I asked Lauren, as the girl made her way downstairs.

„- Oh, you don't know her? It's Brittany Pierce, she is in her last year. One of the best in here."

Whaa.. that's the Brittany Pierce! We had the same high score. Now I was intrigued. From upstairs I watched her walk to the exit doors. It was hot, the way she moved was incredibly hot. Not the common way like the models or something like that. She was no model type, but she walked fast and confident and I thought it was sexy. Yep, I definitely have to get to know this Brittany.

The problem is, she seems so confident and I'm fucking shy and I fucking stutter very often when I speak to people. But one thing I learned in my 21-year-long life is that I eventually got closer with people I first had that weird feeling about. Crazy. So we'll at least talk someday. Patience, I have plenty of that.

Through the next months I learned that Brittany was very involved in the faculty life. She was in that one committee, was a member of this one club and what not. Apparently she was the chairwoman of the history students union countrywide or some shit. Not, that I give a fuck. I was never interested in such, I found our faculty people kinda boring, although the professors were all alright. I just knew I wasn't gonna stay here in the future.

Anyway, Brittany seemed to have a lot on her plate. We even had some classes together. I was very excited each time because I could subtly stare at her ninety minutes long. I learned that she could fall asleep very easily. I loved to listen to her presentations on given topics in the class. I liked her voice. She had a certain southern accent but tried to hide it. So fucking cute. We never spoke a word though. I didn't know what to say and if I did, then was obviously too shy to make a move. As for Brittany, I doubt she even knew I existed at that time. I guess she was and still is one of those natures who don't think too much about people they meet during the day. They just let it slip through they mind. But maybe I was wrong, I hope, I am wrong.

More months passed, I had a lot of university stuff to do, barely saw her. When I did, I always admired the way she walked. It was just so determined, geez, I don't know if one can describe it like that. Energetic. Yes, it was energetic. So sexy. I've never seen her wearing pants. Always skirts. Her colors were black and green, or some shade of red. Yeah, I wanna be her friend. Or maybe a little bit more... I often saw her talking to some professors or other important people of the faculty. Yeah, that girl was aiming big.

**October 2012**

My second year. Brittany's first year of her master's. We had a class together again and I was already looking forward to it the most during the whole week. Moreover, this class only had like five students and fucking two professors, they taught it together. I didn't like either of them that much. That class was not going so well for me. That year was really rough because I changed my minor and took some extra classes in ancient languages. I had to do a presentation about some ancient silver plate and it was a disaster. I wasn't myself. So embarrassing and even worse because Brittany sat right next to me. Bad memories. I tried not to imagine what she must have thought of me in this moment. Fuck.

In December the two professors suggested that on the last class of the calendar year we all go to have a drink. I knew I could make it and was glad about it. Right before the start of this last meeting some students and me were waiting for it in the hallway. Brittany came up and asked, if any of us would go for a drink with the teachers. She actually looked into my eyes. Her eyes were blue.. not really sure. They were beautiful. I was like „nah, don't have time, am busy". Yeah, dumb-ass. Turned out, she was the only one willing to go for a drink. A little nerdy here, babe. Jeez. I noticed, it was important to her to always be in contact with all the profs, to make good impression, to be seen.


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for encouraging me! Never thought someone would read that :) Next time try to post a longer one.

Time flew and somehow Brittany disappeared out of my head. We did not see each other anymore. Holidays and university break came in between. Thought about her once in a while. I had a few girl crushes though. Not that I wanted a relationship. I've never been in a real relationship to be honest. I don't know how to manage this because I am always busy. Sure, I like to go to a club and hang myself on a nice body. Mostly boys. Yeah, there is the thing about my sexuality. It confuses the shit outta me. I always felt a strange attraction towards girls. It felt nice. Horrible part was getting over them. So fucking painful, because I gave so much of myself away and no one ever knew. The more I think about me liking boys or girls or both the more confused I get, so I just don't think about it at all. Let it be.

I had a crush on Quinn. We got along since the first week at the faculty. I thought she was pretty, somewhat sexy. Even took her to the cinema and paid for tickets because I knew „Expendables 2" was not Quinn's favorite type of movies, and I didn't want her spending money on things she didn't like.

I liked her a lot, but my body was not attracted to her body. Confusi-ing. I just wanted to be near her but not on her. I like to hug. In my life I met only one person who likes to hug as much as I like but let's tell that story later maybe. Another crush, another pain. The one on Quinn wore out eventually but we stayed friends. She saved my ass.

**April 2013**

First day of class after the long winter break. I hoped I signed up for all the important ones. Organizing timetable drives me nuts sometimes. So many things to keep in mind, the way every major or minor is structured is so unnecessarily complicated. Tuesday was surprisingly a short day. So I got home in the early afternoon and took a nap. The sound of an incoming message woke me up.

_Quinn: Where the hell are you?! Why didn't you sing up for the excursion-class? Everyone is here!_

Huh? The fuck is she talking about?!

_Me: The fuck are you talking about?_

_Quinn: We have to take this one. It's only offered in the 4__th__ semester, otherwise you'll have to wait another year and delay your graduation._

Shit. Yeah, I remembered. Fuck, I hoped the deadline for signing up is not over yet.

_Me: Oh shit, u r right, yeah gonna be there next time, fuck. THANK YOU!_

Quinn was totally my hero. I was lucky, I got in. Dragged myself to the classroom next Tuesday. Saw a familiar sexy back in black. Waitaminute. Graduate students are attending too. What kind of seminar is this again? Excursion, as in going on a trip. Altogether for 12 days in September. To Pompeii, Italy. Puurrrfect.

I sat down next to Quinn, thanked her many times for the reminder and kick in the ass. I am always surprised when people care about me like that. Literally, I don't expect anything from anyone. Assume the worst actually. I couldn't deal with how grateful I felt towards Quinn. Needed to do something immediately to pay her back. No idea what though. She said it's fine, I didn't have to. I will never think a mean thought of you Quinn, for sure.

My eyes fell on Brittany. She sat on the right side, one row ahead of me, looking at her phone. I've never seen her with her hair down. This time was no exception. Always a ponytail little longer than shoulder length. On sunny days she wore sunglasses on her head. Seeing her again after a long period of time brought back all the little things I liked so much about this girl. The way she smirked while chatting on the phone, the way she scratched her nose. Adorable. Brittany seemed to be not a talkative person in real life. Always quiet, also during a class. She only spoke to people when she needed to, I thought. Some random chit-chat was not for her. She mostly kept to herself. Other graduate students seemed to like her but were also kinda distant. Did that have something to do with her positions in committees or what? I couldn't tell. I had a weird feeling about that, rather negative.


End file.
